All forms of domestic violence - psychological, economic, emotional and physical originate from the perpetrator's desire to gain power and control over other family members or intimate partners. Although each situation is unique, there are common factors.

Size and stature is not reflected in someone's hurtful behaviour. Just because someone is smaller does not mean they cannot hit you, destroy your possessions, threaten to rat you out to their friends and family, control your finances or belittle you in front of other people.

Research shows that domestic violence is most often experienced by women and perpetrators are men. Domestic violence can occur regardless of race, ethnic or religious group, age, class, disability or lifestyle. Domestic violence can also occur in lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender relationships and can affect other family members, including children.

Domestic violence is not always physical, and this means that the signs may not be obvious. Domestic violence or abuse can involve controlling a person's contact with their friends and family (isolating them), destruction of property, verbal threats in private or in public, etc.

Many people who drink too much or take drugs do not abuse alcohol. Domestic violence does not only happen when someone is drunk or has taken drugs. People may try to use alcohol or drugs as an excuse, saying for example: "I was drunk" or "I don't remember". Even if they really don't remember, that doesn't mean it's OK.

According to police reports and surveys, domestic violence is most often experienced by women, although men can also be victims of violence. Domestic violence can affect anyone, regardless of race, religion, class or background/lifestyle, although women under the age of 30, pregnant women (30% cases of violence begin or escalate during pregnancy) and those living in poverty are usually at greater risk. Domestic violence can occur at any point in a relationship; it may not start for several months or years.

There are many reasons why a victim remains in an abusive relationship. Often they are too scared to leave; their partner may have threatened to kill them, their children or their pets. They may even have threatened to kill themselves if they go. The victim may fear that if people find out about the abuse, they will have to leave the children or put them in care. Domestic abuse also includes stalking and harassment after the relationship has ended, and leaving the relationship is one of the riskiest times for the victim and their children.

An injunction is a powerful court order (non-molestation order) that prohibits an abuser from using or threatening violence against you, or harassing, tormenting or intimidating you. If the order is breached, the police can then immediately arrest that person.

Most children are aware of or will directly witness domestic violence in the home. 90% of the children are in the same or a nearby room. Children can experience both short-term and long-term cognitive, behavioural and emotional effects as a result of witnessing (hearing or seeing) domestic violence. Children living in households where domestic violence occurs are considered to be 'at risk of harm'.

Once a partner has started to abuse, it is likely to be repeated. Abuse is rarely an isolated, one-off incident. It is usually part of a pattern of controlling behaviour that deteriorates over time. There may be a period when a person appears to be non-abusive by being attentive, charming and helpful. However, most abusers will abuse again, and this phase of being nice soon turns into an old pattern of controlling behaviour.

Most violent and alcohol abusers are able to control themselves so that they do not beat or abuse their partners in public or in front of others, or cause visible injury. Most abusers are violent towards their partners and children, but never towards anyone else. Most abusers are able to function non-violently in their local community, in the workplace and in their interactions with others. Abusers are responsible for their actions and behaving in an aggressive or violent way is intentional.

Abuse of an individual is not a private matter, 25% of reported violent crimes are domestic violence. The majority of domestic violence cases still go unreported.

Violence, controlling and abusive behaviour can occur in male homosexual relationships and by women towards men. Domestic violence and abuse is a crime and is unacceptable in any relationship. If you are a man and are experiencing domestic violence, please contact us.